March 12th 2020 and I just don’t feel right. Around me, the world is slowing down and everyone is talking COVID 19. 730ish in the evening and smack, I ache, my head hurts and my temperature shoots straight up. My first thought was not to panic. Panic is a strange reaction to being ill especially when you are a health professional but, in a pandemic, and having seen the news from around the world, it would only be natural. I wanted so desperately to protect my children, not to worry them but hiding my feelings and how I felt was not an option.
Over the next three weeks, my health went up and down and there were moments when I’m not ashamed to say I was scared.
7 weeks on, I count my self very lucky and am extremely grateful for all I currently have in my life. So many people have died and I fear that the number will only continue to rise and so many lives have been affected especially through loss. Loss of loved ones, jobs, businesses, and freedom to mention a few.
The Care sector has been hit especially hard and people are asking why. The finger of blame is also being pointed.
Throughout the last couple of months, my feelings have changed sometimes on a daily basis, from fear to guilt, back to fear but now I find myself in a place of acceptance. Acceptance for how my life has changed, and for how it will continue to change. There will be many who will take months to adapt to a new normal and will take much longer to process and grow to learn to live with new feelings, some of which no doubt will be painfully overwhelming for quite a period of time, if not forever.
I’ve always tried as a person and as a professional to have a sense of gratitude and now more than ever I can say I’m grateful. Grateful for what I have and grateful that I have been fortunate to have not lost loved ones. Yes, my health has taken a hit but that will come back in time but the growth it has given me as a person has been immense. I have hope. Hope that as a society thing will change. More people working from home for example so children grow up with parents more present. People respecting personal boundaries rather than bashing into one another in a crowded shop or just to make the time and say hello whilst smiling.
I hope that more professionals will see the fantastic work that is undertaken on a daily basis in Social care and more providers will be rated as Outstanding, more funding for organisations that help people such as charities and voluntary services. I hope that where communities have grown and building blocks have been put down, that these will be built upon. I hope that society in a modern world will realise that if we come together innovation can take place and resilience will occur and realisation that as a country we will recover.